Ok you guys… I got an email entitled “Clam-O-Naise® is here.”
It led me to a website: clams.lol, where the Card Against Humanity folks are advertising their newest expansion to the game. The card pack is entirely clam themed and, I dread saying this, jam packed into a jar of Clam flavored Mayonnaise.
I’m not ok with this you guys. They’ve gone too far.
I gotta draw the line at the clams, but maybe you won’t. Maybe you will rush on over to your local Target to find the only jars of Mayonnaise being sold in the games aisle. Perhaps you will add that cursed item to your shopping basket and allow its’ horrifying presence into your home. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll even open it to extract the clammy mayo covered cards pack and “special prize”, because, as the website points out, “Every single jar of Clam-O-Naise® comes with a FREE MYSTERY CLAM-O-PRIZE!!!!! You could win a real pearl, Clam-O-Merch, a clam-themed vacation, or even a one-of-a-kind Toyota Clamry!”
Yes, you may do all that, BUT IS IT WORTH IT?
Then you’ll be stuck with a jar of terrifying flavor and texture and cards that I can only predict will smell faintly of clams forever.
Maybe you like clams… Maybe you want MORE clams. Well CAH has more, I assure you. There’s a bunch of recipes for how to utilize your cursed mayo. They’ve got clam-themed booty shorts, tee shirts, clamjamas, hats, hoodies, embroidered shirts, posters, bumper stickers, bibs, mugs, a Clams Aclamst Huclamity box with 600 clam cards, and the pièce de résistance – Clammy Dick: A Novel by Herman Clamville…
Ok I get it. Viral marketing can make you do weird stuff. We’ve all dabbled with it in college. You experiment a little. Maybe you make some weird products that get people talking. It’s all fair in marketing… to a point.
I AM NOT STICKING MY HAND INTO A JAR OF CLAM-O-NAISE®!